(idm) Act of Parliament just passed

From Dominick Winters
Sent Tue, Sep 28th 1999, 17:10

Reuters

(United Kingdom) Freedom of Access to Artistic Product Act 1999 Rev 1C

In an unprecedented court case, the Scottish band Swords of Mexico were 
jailed for 20 years each under the Act number 234 of 1999, namely that of 
Freedom of Access to Artistic Product.  The prosecution, acting under 
international law for Mr Zak Dweeb of Redneck, OH, successfully prosecuted 
the Swords on 5 counts each of "restricting public access to the said audio 
product".

The Swords of Mexico, in defence, stated that as they had only been signed 
to a major label for a matter of months, had to move house twice, conducted 
telephone interviews 4 times a day, lost 50 pounds in weight between them 
and received professional counselling for stress and overwork, they had had 
little time to organize the immense distribution and legal costs in 
compiling albums of all their previous material.

The defense also pointed out that this material only comprised of: four 30 
minute BASF tapes of the two singing after coming home from the pub pissed, 
a home video of one of their weddings, and their recording of a few songs 
that they made for their mother 15 years ago, playing a penny whistle and a 
dustbin.

However, the prosecution was emphatic in their attack "It is absolutely 
disgusting that this material has been hidden for this amount of time, both 
the artist and their label are under almost devine duty to provide this 
recorded material to their fans, in every possible format.

Judge Redneck said "I am afraid that under the recently passed act I have no 
option but to imprison you both.  Your attitude to your fans disgusts me, 
and I only fear that your terms in prison is not long enough.  The amount of 
suffering and expense that you have caused Mr Dweeb is beyond comprehension, 
I cannot see how either of you will be able to sleep comfortably at night 
from now on.  May God rest your souls".

Mr Dweeb said after the case, "I hope that this in some small way can teach 
other artists a lesson, I am tired now and I am going home, c'mon mom".

Dweeb was awarded $1,500,000 in damages, 2000 copies of the hidden 
recordings to distribute and/or sell at his discretion, the house belonging 
to the Swords of Mexico, all their worldly possessions, 51% of their current 
record company, their wives, their large collection of Star Wars Figures, a 
comfort blanket, 10 packs of dipers and one copy of the Sword's official 
album.

"I am happy with the compensation I have received", he said later, "but it 
will never make up for the hurt and pain I have endured".  He left London 
later that night by Concorde.


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