From Alex Reynolds Sent Sun, Sep 27th 1998, 00:42
From Alex Reynolds Sent Sun, Sep 27th 1998, 00:42
UNDERGROUND FRISBEE BOOTLEGGING OPERATION BUSTED -- MILLIONS OF INDONESIANS LEFT UNEMPLOYED Jakarta, INDONESIA, Sept 26 (REUTERZ) In what music industry experts are cheering as a major breakthrough for international recognition of copyright law, the FIAA (Frisbee Industry Association of America), in conjunction with authorities from Interpol, CIA, and Skam Records Corporation, have finally broken the elusive "Frisb33d00dz" cartel headquartered in Jakarta, Indonesia. The "d00dz" are charged with the manufacture and distribution of 9-inch plastic knock-offs of a mysterious, limited-issue, professional frisbee -- which is yet to be released by the renown Skam Records outfit -- entitled "SKA000". Only 9 promotional units of Skam's original 9-inch toy were allotted to independent music shops around the world to date, leading to a fast sell-out of the item and to an even faster bidding process at private auctions. Some claim this bidding went out of control and motivated the previously clandestine activities of the cartel. "We got our hands on two promo frisbees. Without warning, vast sums were called at the bidding sessions," Sigridur Ingvarsd=F6ttir, Iceland's associate for the auctioning firm Sotheby's said over an intimate, candlelit dinner with the reporter. "These were hot items, I kid you not. The naked snapshots of Bj=F6rk in a hot tub didn't fetch nearly as much as the frisbees. I just hope, for the bidder's sake, that the toys are originals. Sotheby's has a no-refund policy if the frisbees are unwrapped before leaving the store."=20 Private sources admitted that one of the two promotional copies of SKA000 fetched a sum as high as four hundred million kronur ($US 16 and some= change). The head of FIAA, former frisbee division head of Wham-O Industries Chris Hardin, distributed fake discs at the press conference held outside the plastics combine in the industrial sector of East Jakarta where the Frisb33d00dz operated. "This is a rockin' day for real frisbee dudes everywhere. I'm still stoked about it. Like, let the bogus 'd00dz' hang their heads in shame, dude," Chris said while pulling trick manuevers with his World Class 175g Wham-O(tm) frisbee in front of an impressed crowd of journalists. Before the culprits were herded into waiting Indonesian police trucks to be extradited to The Hague, Netherlands, Frizb33d00dz leader Kiya Babzani -- also known by the moniker "iamacopier" -- screamed his epitaph to the jeering crowd:=20 "These record company excutives are vicious snakes. Let them choke on their bloody profits. We'll be back making toys: fluffy sheep, AFX face masks -- mark my words!" Skam officials commended the authorities involved in the case and said they were pleased the 'd00dz' were arrested before the official release date of SKA000.=20 Interpol Secretary General Raymond E. Kendall refused to comment on how silly this article would eventually become, but did note in an impressed tone of voice that the frisbee copies were undeniably high quality goods: "The compression tools used to shape the copies -- and the component vinyl stock -- are both of high fidelity to the original promotion frisbees. This d00dz operation was professional at every level, from engineering to manufacturing to distribution." Some skeptical bystanders were left scratching their heads at this month's turn of events. "Can you explain to me again, why a music label is selling frisbees?" a puzzled Herb Nutterfluffer of Des Moines, Iowa asked of this reporter.=20 In completely unrelated news, Warp Records CEO Greg Eden denied reports that his corporation would be releasing limited edition, DR-designed hacky-sacks, pogo sticks and hula-hoops to compete with Skam Records.=20 "Totally preposterous," screamed an inebriated Eden after an eight-martini power lunch. "Total bollocks --- where are my lawyers? What's your name again?" =A9 1998 Reuterz LTD. All rights to satirical use of protected names reserve= d under relevant "Fair Use" clauses.