From Alex Reynolds Sent Thu, Sep 23rd 1999, 04:33
From Alex Reynolds Sent Thu, Sep 23rd 1999, 04:33
WARP RELEASES 'ARTIFICIAL STUPIDITY IV' TO CELEBRATE 10TH ANNIVERSARY "There had better be some good make-out tracks on this thing," warns one sex-crazed IDM listener. London, UK (REUTERZ) -- September 22, 1999 Once again setting the latest trends in electronica that other labels only dare to imitate when they want to make some quick cash, a rejuvenated Warp Records has released the fourth installment of the series that has redefined the genre historically known as IDM, or Intelligent Dance Music. "We call it Stupid Dance Music, or SDM for short," says Dr. Greg Eden, once the proud CEO of the Warp Fear, Tyranny and Records LTD empire but now demoted to managing the label's Research and Development team after a sexual harassment case was brought against him by a group of Welsh sheep farmers (which was later settled out of court). "I first thought of this genre three years ago, as I was driven to the health spa for my daily colonic," explains Eden. "Good thing I had that CD player installed in the trunk of the Rolls Royce the week before. I said to Jeeves, my butler, 'Hey Jeeves, wots that on the radio,' and he says, 'That`s `Propellerheads,` m`lud.' "Damn, those two sharp-dressed guys sure can rap like nobody's business. I really liked the part where the MC 'got stupid on the microphone.' Then I started thinking about our Mensa demographic on the IDM list and the idea hit me like a handful of percocet." Eden skipped the anal probe and quickly secured the help of various Disney cryo-engineers in thawing out Geddy Lee, the frontman for the Canadian progressive rock group "Rush", who was put in cold storage some years ago for the purpose of future anthropological research into the appeal of pseudo-intellectual music. Several months later, Warp boldly released the groundbreaking 'Artificial Stupidity' to a skeptical audience. Featured tracks from Plone vs. Eminem and duets with Britney Spears and Jimi Tenor on the kazoo were either so incomprehensibly abstract or so mind-numbingly simple that Rolling Stone dared to call it "the new wave electronica" on one issue cover. The first release quickly sold out and has become a highly sought-after prize by rabid listeners, who perhaps have more dollars than sense. The second and third releases sold out almost as fast. "It's nice that we're seeing music being made for the retards," said journalist Simon Reynolds. "Some of these musicians were getting too clever and/or wealthy for their own good. I mean, how much white noise do you have to buy before it dawns on you that you're being ripped off? At least now you can enjoy throwing your money away on this shite." Others thought AS was a brilliant, postmodern counter-move by the ailing record label. Famed NYC musician and philosopher Terre "How about them Mets?" Thaemlitz comments: "With the connotation of banal stupidity, this music inverts the heterosexist, patriarchic, elitist framework of the capitalist State as modeled by the IDM community. Freed from the structure of culturally-warped intelligence quotient factors, all electronic musicians can now creatively express themselves to their listeners without implications of superiority. I mean, when we get down to it, we're all just looking for soundtrack music for hot monkey orgies, right?" The release of the 'Artificial Stupidity' series has brought much attention and riches to the Warp Records label after a couple of scary years where some had feared it had lost its touch on the latest and greatest fads in the world of electronic music. But the label is now stronger than ever and looks forward to celebrating its 10th anniversary at the end of the year, with even more stupid, worthless, and crappy music waiting in the future. =A9 1999 Reuterz S.A. It's just satire, keep yer pants on.